Mg and Pregnancy-Part Three

So it's Saturday night, December 10, 2005, and I just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty much sitting on the couch, staring at Doug with this silly grin on my face. I'm more excited and happier than I've ever been in my life, yet scared out of my mind at the same time.

Doug says, "Now don't go telling the whole world until we go to the doctor."

Um, right.

Church was the next morning. The first person I see is my friend Kim...she was 6 weeks pregnant with her second child (turned out to be second AND third child, but we didn't know that then). She knew we were trying. She was standing right in front of me as I walked through the door, and I just looked at her, and tipped my head to go into an empty classroom. She just dropped her jaw and said, "NO WAY!!!" She totally knew before I said a word.

I just couldn't keep this ear to ear grin off my face...I didn't even have to tell many people, they just guessed by the way I was acting. People also said that they had never before seen Doug walk so tall.

Ended up that after church a bunch of people were taking the pastor and his wife out for lunch, so most of my church friends were all in one spot. Of course the whole world knew before noon. : ) I couldn't help myself!

Then we called my best friend Linda, and my mom and dad...my sisters, my brother in California...I called the doctor on Monday, and was shocked that they didn't want to see me until January 10, when I would be six weeks along. I assumed they would want to see me right away.

So I went on the 10th, and we heard the heartbeat. Oh.My.Gosh. What an amazing thing. I just could NOT believe it. I also had an ultrasound. They would be doing lots and lots of these, which was awesome, because I got to see the baby grow month by month. I could have done a small baby book just with ultrasound pictures! (We never did get the 3-D one though...too expensive... plus we had SO many regular ones, we felt like we knew what he looked like anyway!)

I had gone off the CellCept in June...I remember going to Bible study once in March, and having 3 showers in April. By the last shower, I could no longer speak clearly. The girls writing down who gave me what couldn't understand a word I said. I was exhausted. From the beginning of April on, I pretty much did nothing but go to the doctor. My favorite uncle was in the hospital, and I only made it up to see him once. He ended up passing away, and I didn't make it to the funeral. I got to the funeral home, but I looked and felt awful. I wished I could have done so much more for my Aunt. I felt horrible. Love you Aunt Dee....Miss you Uncle Gordy!

At my 18 week ultrasound, we found out what we were having....a boy!!! I was SO SO happy. I knew I was only going to do this one time around, and I wanted so badly for Doug to have a boy. YAY! We had names picked out already: Olivia Michelle if it was a girl, and Jacob Douglas (Jacob for Doug's grandpa, and Douglas well, for Doug!). Jacob was VERY cooperative during the ultrasound. Buns up, legs wide open....already an exhibitionist! At the 22 weeks ultrasound, we could see his cheeks! I kid you not! Jacob had the biggest chubby cheeks I had ever seen. Precious!!!

The pregnancy really went amazingly well all things considering. My blood sugar stayed fantastic, my blood pressure was good, and I only gained 17 pounds. THAT was a miracle. I was SURE I would gain 100 at least. Nope. SEVENTEEN. My metabolism went through the roof! My favortie thing to eat was strawberries. I would eat a bowlful a day. I also loved cheese crackers.

I only threw up one time, and that was at 7 months.

We eat mainly venison (before we started raising beef), and I LOVED it. However, while I was pregnant, I couldn't eat it.

Even though my sense of smell was hampered by the trach, I had a bionic nose. Eww. One of my LEAST favorite things about being pregnant.

My biggest fear was that Jacob would be born with transient neonatal myasthenia gravis. Bascially that means he would temporarily have MG until his maternal antibodies went away. We met with a neonatologist, and were told that the chances of Jacob having it were 1 in 7. I went online and looked up whatever I could. The average stay in the NICU for a baby with neonatal MG was about 18 days. This was one of the main reasons I didn't want to try to have my own child. It was terrifying thinking that Jacob would have to deal with what I did, but only being a tiny baby. The only thing that kept me sane was knowing he would fully recover, and never have to deal with it again. I was still scared to death.

We were going to try to have a vaginal delivery, but I had doubts the whole time about being strong enough to push. I couldn't imagine.

My midwife was extremely conscientious about me, preparing for every possibility. If I DID have to have a C-section, it would be in the main OR, not the labor and delivery ward. I had to get an ET (endo tracheal) tube for my trach, thinking that if I had to have a C-section, they would have to take out my trach, put the ET tube in, blow up the cuff and put me on a vent during the procedure because I couldn't breathe laying flat when I WASN'T pregnant!! That part scared me silly, but there wasn't much I could do about it. Just pray and trust.

Finally August rolled around. I was due the 21st, but we decided to induce on the 14th. We had to be at the hospital at like 6 or 7 in the morning. Ug. The Friday before, at the doctor, they used Cytotek to gradually start things going. I kind of cramped all weekend, went in to the hospital Saturday (the 12th) for another dose, stayed home Sunday, and then checked in to the hospital on Monday.

And then.......

My MG Pregnancy-Part Two

Okay....so we left off at the fertility clinic, in the room, getting the ultrasound, searching for the number of eggs able to be retrieved for in vitro. To give you a hint, my friend had this done and she produced at least 30 each time.

And they found.........one. One. Uno. Eins. Een. Jeden. Un.

Yah. I was devastated. And I was alone. I left in a state of shock. We were just SO sure this was going to work. I didn't respond to the fertility drugs. Apparently I couldn't have a baby. I went home and took the few baby things I had gotten (an adorable giraffe that said the "Now I Lay Me" prayer, and a little baby toy someone had given us when we told them what we were doing). I gave them to Doug and told him to burn them. (He didn't, but he got them out of my sight).

It was almost a year of getting over the disappointment, trying to figure out what was next....I really didn't know how important it was to Doug to have his own biological child. To me, any child would be mine if I raised it and loved it. I never had a strong desire to HAVE children...I just wanted them. Lots of them. Having this infernal disease was going to make that very difficult.

In May of 2005, after seeking God and lots of prayers on my part, on my friends' parts, my family, etc., I very clearly heard God tell me to "submit to my husband" in the area of the baby. I was like a child dragging their feet..."Fine," I thought.

I told Doug we could try "the old fashioned way" but I would only try for one year, and then we would adopt. I had it so stuck in my mind that I couldn't get pregnant...but there I go again, playing God when I should know better!

We had to start with my neurologist, who gave us the okay after four months of being off my CellCept. I had to go off my anti-depressants (which I very soon had to go on a pregnancy safe one because I was losing my mind). I had to go on a blood pressure medication, start seeing a perinatologist (high risk OB people), and had to go on insulin. The insulin made me gain 20 pounds before I we even started trying, so I was not very happy.

Speaking of high risk, I had all these factors: obviously the MG, I was diabetic, I was 35....three BIG factors in a high risk pregnancy.

Both of my sisters gained like 100 pounds with their pregnancies, and I'm thinking, "I can't even move (I really went downhill off the CellCept)...I'm going to gain 150 pounds." I was nervous, to say the least.

We started trying in October of 2005. I took a test in October, which I shouldn't have, because it was negative, and I was really surprised at how disappointed I was. I still didn't really WANT to be pregnant. I was terrified! And my family thought I was crazy...they were very concerned about my health. In November I got my period before I even thought about testing, so I knew then that I wasn't pregnant.

On December 10, we had a Michigan MG meeting in Dundee, Michigan. Well, in Dundee there is a Cabela's. I love Cabela's. What I didn't know what that it was like Cabela Club Member Day and there were about 420,000 peeople in the store. We didn't even want to walk around, and the lines were to the back of the store. It's a BIIIIIG store... We only needed a few things, so I got in line right away, and Doug went to get the stuff. It didn't help that I was having THE worst case of PMS EVER, and I was ready to kill everyone I looked at. I hate crowds ordinarily, but this was a special kind of hatred. I was supposed to get my period that day, so I was just waiting. I KNEW I couldn't be pregnant because of the PMS from hell.

Well. We got home about 9:30PM, and still no period. I was going to test in the morning, Sunday. I couldn't wait. I just wanted to get it overwith so I didn't wonder all night long. I would cry a little, then go to bed. So I got the test out, peed, and put the stick on the counter.

To my shock, amazement, and utter glee (which I wasn't expecting) a big ol' PLUS sign showed up. I just sat there for a minute. I was actually speechless. For those of you who know me well, that NEVER happens. I brought the stick into the living room where Doug was watching TV. I gave him the stick, and he just looked at it.

He said, "What does this mean?"

And with great delight I replied, "What do you think it means.....Daddy???"

To be continued.....