Tired Girl

Whew!  I am one tired girl!  I've been working on filling Superman's Doug's organizer for all of my jewelry stacks.  What's the biggest pain in the butt is that the organizer is made for the stacks to be in their original size.  So I had all these different stacks of all different sizes.... Good heavens.

So I'm wiped out.  I was at it almost all day. Doug had to work this morning.  

Only 2 weeks from Tuesday and Tracy will be here!!  YAY!!!  We are going to suck the life out of every second she is here.... She was GOING to help me organize the office (it IS still kind of a mess)... but there is SO much that needs to be done around here.  I need a dang cleaning lady.  Like, seriously.

For you healthy folks...what I have found is that the energy it takes for me to clean (dust, vacuum, clean the bathroom, do laundry) is equal to or even greater than the energy it takes me to do every thing else:  take care of Jacob, homeschool, keep track of bills and medications, make an occasional meal, run a business....

Hopefully soon we may be able to afford to pay a cleaning lady.  But for now...it just sucks.

Anywho.  That's all for me tonight folks.  I am one pooped pup.

Peace Out.

Tired Me, My Big Boy, and Sushi

I was so tired last night I literally couldn't see straight.  I still am raising my eyebrows a little so my eyes aren't completely shut.  I took another one but it's seriously too horrifying to post...even for me!  My face has never been SO droopy.

So for those of you who DON'T have a disability or illness, and you see me looking totally normal when I park in handicapped and go IN to Walmart?  This is me coming out.  So SHUT your FACE.

Yeah, this is my BABY.  {bawl, sob, snort, sigh, snot, bawl again}.  Two peas in a pod, the boy and his dog.  They are like this all the time when Jacob is "chillaxin'"....like they are from the same litter.  He even calls Black Dog (original, I know, but the kid named him when he was 3) his "brother from another mother."  Um, yah.

And this is called a California roll.  We don't live in California, but my husband just "threw these together" (for the very first time EVER).  The man can do ANYTHING, I swear.  MacGyver, Daniel Boone, and now I guess I have to add Iron Chef.  I don't know which one though...maybe Geoffry Zakarian.  He's pretty handsome for an old dude.  LOL  He's probably the same age as I am!

Anyway....good night!

Whew!

I am one tired girl.

Trying to get over being sick.

Went out shooting yesterday afternoon...It was awesome, but I'm paying for it.

Taking pictures and pictures and more pictures of allllllll the stuff we brought to the craft show, and back home again!

Set of 6 wine glass rings, sea shore motif $15.00

I've gotten all the wine glass ring sets, wine bottle ties, book marks, key fobs, and cell phone accessories posted. 

All that's left is a bunch of Pandora style stuff, and almost 150 pendants on chains.  Mmmmm-hm.  I said 150.  That's how many we had, and we sold maybe 5.

Cell phone lanyard and dust plug $5.00

Anyway, you can check out all the stuff I put on my facebook page by clicking HERE.

Total bust. 

Doing book reviews.

Have to catch up on my pen pals.

Have 2 CBI lessons to do.

Doug was off work today, so that was nice.

Have some jewelry orders to pack and ship out. YAY!!

Have to call the pharmacy yet to call in some refills.

Tired.

AND of course last night I didn't fall asleep til 3:30 AM.  Today I think it will be more like 9:30!!

One Of Those Days

It is one of those days.  Because it was one of those nights.

Ug.  Jacob had a nap, because I had to have a nap.  So he was up late.  I mean late, late.  Then Doug gets crabby because he likes to go to bed at the same time as I do.  Well, I think we are the only family in America that all go to bed at the same time. 

Then, because Jacob has to have Blackie right up in his face while he sleeps so he can rub Blackie's ear while he sucks his thumb, while he falls asleep.  I'm ready to get rid of all three dogs.  I'm just SICK of it.  Dog hair, mud, they all eat poop in one form or another...the puke all over....I LOVE my dogs, don't get me wrong....but when I'm tired and they have ANYTHING to do with it...I'm just done.

So last night, it's already late, I'm finally settling into bed, getting sleepy, and Jacob comes in screaming.  Blackie scratched his cheek.  Got him pretty good.  He refused to go back into his room unless I put Blackie in his cage.  Well THAT wasn't happening as his cage is in the mudroom.

And Doug was sleeping....[at least he better have been].....so Jacob got his sleeping bags and slept on the floor in our room.  I was SO irritated that I was wide awake again, and didn't get to sleep til almost 3.  Then I was up at 7:30 and couldn't get back to sleep.  Yeah.  Four and a half hours.  Not so much.

So I'm tired, cranky, and tired.  Did I mention tired? Ug. So anyway.  The good news is that 3 more posts will make 800!!!  Calls for some sort of getaway if you ask me....I just have to figure out what...stay tuned!

Five-Minute Friday

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.
I’m so relieved to have these five minutes. Won’t you join me?

www.thegypsymama.com

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. 2. Link back here and invite others to join in. 3. Most importantly: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on: TIRED

Tired.
START

I am tired.  In so many ways.
I am tired of people taking advantage of those less fortunate.
I am tired of people taking what doesn't belong to them, whether it is material or emotional.  Take, take, take.  What happened to giving?

I am tired of getting stabbed with needles the size of fork tines and having my veins blow and having it hurt like a kind of pain you'd never want to experience in your life.  I'm tired of having a chronic illness and depending on others for most everything, but yet being expected to DO most everything.  Makes. No. Sense.
I'm tired of being ignored. Not listened to.  Taken for granted. Avoided. Stared at. Talked about. 

I'm tired of trying and trying and trying and trying some more to do the right thing to only have it fall flat before my face.  Of being sabotaged.  Of being....  Of just being.

Tired.  Always tired.  No matter if I sleep or if I don't.
I'm tired of society deciding whose important.  I'm tired of good people getting crapped on and crappy people getting good things.  I know in the end, it will all come out.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  But sometimes, suffering just sucks and that's all there is to it.

I wish I could have the tire-lessness of my 5 year old.  I wish I would see the world with UN-tired eyes.  With unjaded opinions.  But alas....It's too tiring.

STOP 

Another Day, Another Doctor

How I wish it was another dollar instead!  I can't seem to shake this stupid cough. So I'm off to the doctor this afternoon. I'm just not feeling the greatest, and I'm supposed to have 2 treatments this week.  I don't want to go.  I don't want to do it again without the port.  Last time sucked so bad.  Ninety minutes to place 2 lines.  Stab, stab, stab. Plus, before each treatment I have an appointment with a different doctor. Nice.

Anyway, you'll all be offering me some cheese to go with my whine in a moment, I'm sure.  I need carpal tunnel surgery.  My hands are so numb and painful in the morning....sometimes for hours. They hurt SO bad....and I sleep with wrist splints on.  I have forever.  But they don't help enough.  I've been diagnosed with it through an EMG (oh, those are SO fun!)...and I've tried the Cortisone shots....which I will NEVER do again.  Talk about pain. HOLY CRAP.  The shots themselves were brutal enough, but them for 24 hours I had the worst hand pain I've ever had in my life.  I cried all night.  It was HORRIBLE.

So I need surgery.  We've met our out of pocket max. for insurance this year, so it would be 100% covered if I can figure out how to get it done before Decemeber 1. 

Then, I still need the port, which will be covered as well.

Saturday I ran a few errands and had lunch with my friend Joanna, and I was just WALKING and hit my big toe with the heel of my other shoe, my cute, summer Birks that I bought in March or April that my feet are FINALLY not too swollen to wear, and the first time I wear them, I BARELY bumped it, and nearly ripped half my toenail off.  Started gushing blood, I'm in the bead store...good grief.  What else.

Could someone please just move in for about a month and manage my life for me?  I'm tired of doing it.  Ain't no letting up either.  Doug hasn't been feeling well for almost a month as well.  And getting him to the doctor is about as easy as getting a vegan to a pig roast.  So that just adds more to me.  Thank God for Auntie Shawn.  Jacob goes there twice a week.

Because I'm supposed to "live a stress-free life."  Um, yah.  Anyone who can show me how to REALISTICALLY do that.....I'll give you a million dollars.  As soon as my money tree starts blooming.

Sooooooo Tired

Jacob has decided that his new wake-up time is between 6:00 and 6:30 AM. So, whether we get a nap or not, whether he gets to bed on time or not, whether we have a busy day or not...does not matter.

Thankfully, I have been feeling stronger (YAY!!!!) than I have been, so I haven't keeled over. Yet. But I am telling you, we ARE taking a nap today....and SOON!

Went to the doctor yesterday afternoon, got more water pills, and more labs to do. Doug had to get to the cow auction, so I didn't have time to do it yesterday. We'll probably go back (to get blood drawn) when he gets home from work today. Then he has a council meeting tonight...the last 3 days have just been insane.

Speaking of cows....we now have 3. Yes, THREE. Good ol' Chuck has really settled down. {It's quite hilarious, because when he's laying down we call him Ground Chuck, and when he's standing we call him Up Chuck...Jacob doesn't really get it, but the other morning we were letting the dogs out and he says, 'Hey, we have Up Chuck today!!"}

And technically they are not cows; they are steers. (I'm learning way more than I ever knew I would know or even care to know!) Chuck has mellowed considerably. The second day of medicating him never happened. I got to watch that one. Talk about stubborn! Doug even went in with the tractor to try to herd him toward Kyle, but Chuck charged the tractor! Then, when the DID finally get him in the stall, it went though the wall of the barn! Now granted, our barn is 150 years old (at least), so it wasn't difficult.

We got a red angus steer weighing in at about 850 pounds (he looks very big) and a little one (400 lbs) that's mostly black with a little white. He's SO cute. Jacob named them Hay and Oats. I told Doug I needed one to have for a pet. I want a totally light brown one. They are cute even when they're grown up. And when they are little....SO cute. I want to feed and pet one, but I can't do that with the ones we have now or I'll never be able to eat them.

So anyway. Now we have 3 dogs, 3 steers, a rabbit, 3 ducks, 6 turkeys, 23 laying chickens, and like 24 meat chickens. Yikes. Green Acres is the place to be.....

Overwhelmed

Seems to be the feeling of the day. Or week. Or month. Actually, lately, life!

Gosh. When did I become so incapable of managing life? Stress? Relationships? Everything around me seems to be going to he!! in a handbasket, and here I am, all unaware. I'm so tired. I'm tired of being tired. I'm sick of being sick. I'm OVER being overwhelmed. (Like that? Me too....I'm proud of myself.)

This damn disease has already taken so much from me. I know there are reasons. I get that. But let me tell you, there are days when that just. doesn't. matter. I'm weak, I'm tired, and none of my responsibilities ever go away. I have zero energy today. I just don't care. It doesn't matter if I don't feel good. I still have a child to take care of, and things that need to get done. I can't just curl up in a ball and let the world go on its merry way. (Trust me, I've tried).

It's a good thing it's simply not in my chemistry to give up, because I would have by now, a thousand times over.