Ode to Chronic Illness

An Ode to Chronic Illness
By Kerri Sweeris

O illness of mine which has torn me asunder,
I hate you as much as the weather I'm under.
You rob me of joy and of life and of breath.
And of you, chronic illness I am sick to death!

Chronic illness is something I would not dare send
To kith or to kin, rotten enemy or friend.
It breaks and it weakens and hurts you some more
Til you rail against heaven and stomp on the floor.

This illness I have has cost more that I thought.
Friendships, relationships, more pain than it ought.
One thing rings true when you have something chronic.
You aren't going to fix it with gin or with tonic.

You can't fight your battles, though many they are,
You can't walk or see straight, you can't drive the car.
People will judge you for gluttony and sloth
(Unless you fall down, seize, and at the mouth froth).

I'm so sick of hearing, "But you look so good!"
This illness does things that no illness should.
I may look okay when at me you first glance,
But give me an hour and I may pee my pants!

Incontinence is only one "joy" in my life.
There's double vision, weakness, worry and strife.
Don't forget isolation, boring and lonely,
Even from one who is the one and the only....

Fill in the blank, be it family or spouse;
All I know is I'm often alone in this house.
Some people hang around for a month maybe more,
But soon their own lives come and knock on their door.

So for us who are chronically, totally ill,
We wait and we wait for that one magic pill.
The one that will take us to where we've been wishin'
That oh-so-desired, elusive remission.

Remember for now that if you see someone odd
They may be that way by allowance of God.
They may have some reasons they can't "this or that"
And it's not 'cause they're lazy, insolent or fat.

O illness, my illness, your death I desire
I want to be free again, free to admire
The outdoors, and swimming pools and even bee stings.
I want to be OUTSIDE to hear when birds sing.

I will never give up this fight I am in
And you, blasted illness, you will NEVER win.
I am strong, (and I'm funny) I also have class.
So you chronic illness, can kiss my sweet (BEEP).

EAT YOUR PEAS Faithfully...Book Review

EAT YOUR PEAS Faithfully by Cheryl Karpen is a simply delightful book. This book is a "gift book" if you will; the cover states that it's a "3-minute forever book". The art by Sandy Fougner is beautiful, and even the paper it's printed on has a wonderful texture and richness to it.

You could view this book two ways: as written from God to you, or as written to a loved one, be it family member, spouse, child. It's about faithfulness, and standing by someone through thick and thin. Many pages have a Scripture verse on it that goes along with the "simple truths and happy insights."

One of my favorites says on one side of the book: "When God created you in His magnificence, He created a masterpiece." Then the opposing page says, "There is nobody else quite like you. Nope. Not anywhere. Not among all the six billion people who live on this earth. Your eyes, nose, fingers, heart and mind are uniquely yours. Undoubtedly, God is the artist of them all." And then under that is Psalm 139:13-14, "You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous--how well I know it!"

I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a unique wedding gift, anniversary gift, or even a gift to a friend who needs to know they are unconditionally loved. It's a beautiful book!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Two Wonderful Surprises

When the mailman came today, Jacob happened to be looking out the window, and said, "MOM! We have a package!" MY mom was here too, and she asked me if I wanted her to go get it for me. Of course I said yes, because there was NO way on earth I could wait 5 hours for my husband to get home and get it, and I can't go get it...I'd end up passed out on the hill to the mailbox.

SO. I ask Jacob to go open the door for Grandma because she's going to have a box in her hands. So I look out the window, and here's my poor mother, carrying TWO boxes, and a huge padded envelope. I mean huge. Plus your everyday junk mail, bills, etc.

A dear blogger friend, Patty Ann, had said she sent me something. So I knew one was from her. I open the box, and here is this GORGEOUS, big, soft, fluffy, handmade fleece blanket with all these little angels on it. It is so beautiful. I will have to find my camera and get a picture.

Then, in the huge puffy envelope there was a gorgeous, hand-made prayer shawl. It is made of the softest yarn. My friend Pam (who is also my sister's sister-in-law) who, even though she has her own plate VERY full with health issues, took the time to make this for me. It is amazing!

I am so blessed to have such amazing friends. Today made me feel extra special!

Tomorrow we go to Ann Arbor for plasmapheresis. Hopefully it will be our last trip that way for a while!! I have an appointment with my "new" (local) neurologist April 15, and then it will be however long it takes him to write the orders for pheresis up here. We shall see!

So thank you to all of my friends and family for praying me through some rough times. And extra-special thanks to Pam and Patty for really making my day!

(Oh, and the 2nd box was just medical supplies!)

Exhaustion

Keeping it short today. Yesterday was simply hideous. After all the grief about trying to get a referral to the neurologist so I can have plasmapheresis closer to home, I find out that my primary is GONE for the week, and his PA's assistant called me to try to help.

I have met her, and she is a very, very sweet person. I was trying to explain the idiocy of the situation, but she just kept telling me that she couldn't authorize a referral without a note in my chart that I had talked to my PCP about it, and that she would double check, but I would have to come in and see my PCP NEXT WEEK before I could get a referral.

I just said fine, goodbye. And started bawling. Here's the conversation that followed:

Jacob: Mommy, are you sad?
Me: Yes Jacob, I am sad.
Jacob: Why are you sad Mommy?
Me: Because life is just difficult for Mommy sometimes.
Jacob: {very sweetly coming over and taking my hand} C'mon Mommy. You're tired. You need a nap. Let's go.

So we took a nap. And all was well with the world.

Until I woke up. (Oh, and I don't have to see my PCP, I got the appointment with the neuro.)

Thank God For Internet

I am telling you. If it weren't for the internet, I would have already lost what's left of my mind. (And there ain't much left, let me tall ya.) I have gotten some of the most precious e-mails and comments on my blog. And I appreciate them all more than you know.

This is my social life. I don't go out. I don't have a lot of friends. I don't see the ones I do have very often. I don't see my family often enough. So I get most of my warm fuzzies from all of you. And a lot of encouragement and support that is desperately needed.

I don't hesitate to tell you that I am struggling! Oh my GOSH! The frustration of the administrative part of being chronically ill is enough to drive anyone over the edge. Add chronic illness itself, a 4 1/2 year old the Energizer Bunny couldn't keep up with, and a dog with a cough... Hey, that sounds like the beginning of a bad joke... A sickie, a coughing dog and the Energizer Bunny walk into a bar... Just kidding.

So I'm still waiting to get a referral to get into the neurologist at the place closer to home where I'm going to have pheresis, so I'm going to Ann Arbor Thursday for a treatment so I don't completely crash again before I finally get the arrangements made. I swear. Something so simple and people make it so difficult. Especially people who don't even know what I'm talking about, and yet talk to me like I'M the ignorant one. It's a good think I don't have any energy, because someone I talked to on the phone this morning would have my handprint on her face.

That's it for today....uplifting, I know. : ) Sorry...I'll try harder tomorrow.

Comfort Cross Giveaway WInners

Well, since there were so few comments on this giveaway, and I already had 2 crosses to award, I decided EVERYONE would get one! So you are all winners. I have the crosses, everyone has been notified, and they will be going out in the mail on Monday or Tuesday. These really are beautiful crosses. They are made from genuine olive wood from Bethlehem. SO cool.

So congratulations, and keep watching your mailbox!

Joke Day...Because That's What It Is